People often feel humiliation for various reasons regarding their addiction battles. Regardless of the source, it’s important to understand there’s no shame in accepting professional help. Quite the contrary, accepting help is something to be proud of. That means you’re one step closer to recovering from addiction.
What is Shame?
Shame is characterized by a personal sense of humiliation stemming from poor life choices that inflict difficult circumstances. Once these thoughts of self-humiliation set in, they act as a cancer that infects every aspect of your life. Hence, shame in itself can be nearly as harmful as addiction itself.
Guilt vs. Shame: What’s the Difference?
It’s important to point out there’s a stark distinction between shame and guilt. Guilt is specifically defined as regret over a specific action. Shame is a state of mind about your current circumstances or who you are as a person. These definition variations are essential to comprehending before learning how to overcome shame.
Tips on How To Overcome Shame
There are specific mental and behavioral approaches that can help you with shaming thoughts that can hinder your recovery. Even if you plan to seek individual therapy or other treatment for this problem, these can be a good place to start.
Avoid Denial
Denial is an unhealthy coping mechanism to avoid thoughts of shame. One of the best methods to overcome shame is to avoid denial and keep it from taking power within your mindset. Not only does denial prevent you from receiving the help you need, it can exacerbate self-shaming and depressive thoughts.
Reshape Your Thoughts
Thoughts of shame can stem from the same negative, inescapable thought patterns that fuel other bad mental habits. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is designed to help people break the cycle by untraining these impulsive thought patterns. Participants are taught how to notice their own thought patterns and out-think their automatic responses to create a healthier pattern.
Name the Root of the Shame
Concerning addiction, your source of shame may be your need for treatment, your status as an “addict,” or other similar factors. It’s important to properly pinpoint these roots of shame, whether it’s with the help of a trained specialist, a support group, or reflection with a trusted loved one. By naming the source of shame, it becomes more possible to address it.
Accept Yourself
Shame can occur because of one’s inability to accept their current state. Overcoming shame starts and ends with accepting yourself. Once you accept yourself and where you are, only then can you move on proactively in addiction rehab. Everyone makes mistakes, and you aren’t doomed to forever repeat them.
Mindful Meditation
Practicing mindfulness in conjunction with meditative practices can be a very effective way to combat shame. Learning how to be present in the moment can help drastically with engaging logically with uncomfortable or shame-based thoughts. Grounding can help with creating a more well-rounded perspective.
Establish a Strong Support System
Strong support can be essential to ridding shame and substances from your life. This can mean incorporating your friends and family into your recovery as integral support for your sobriety. But having supportive people in your life creates go-to sources for sharing feelings and stresses. The people in your life can help establish a sense of reality and help you maintain a healthy perspective about yourself. Open communication with supportive people is one of the greatest weapons you have against shame and relapse.
What Causes Shame in Recovery?
People feel shame for a variety of factors, influenced by various internal and external influences.
Embarrassment
People who are consciously aware of their addiction often feel shame and embarrassment about their current condition. It is also common for addiction sufferers to feel embarrassed about the thought of needing professional help. But this is actually an action to be proud of. Not only does it show strength and character to seek a solution for your addiction, it publicly shows the world that you see the impact of your addiction.
Regrets
Shame can reach deep and take hold, sending many into a downward spiral of worsening substance use. But while you can’t change those decisions, you have complete control over your future. Your future starts with the decisions you make now. This may involve making amends to people you have hurt, but it may not. What’s most important is engaging with the past without becoming stuck.
Depression
Low Self-Esteem
Positive or negative personal esteem can often be the difference between unsuccessful and successful treatment. It’s important to learn how to deal directly with negative thought patterns or self-esteem issues in the course of healing from addiction. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is designed to help people accept their thoughts without judging them, then eventually learn how to detach from them.
Loneliness
Addiction can be the most lonely place to be, especially if you aren’t surrounded by positive influences. But loneliness and seclusion can often lead to no support and increased thoughts and feelings of shame. Seeking connection in group therapy or recovery-themed support groups can alleviate these feelings and remind you that you’re not the only one dealing with these problems.
Feelings of Stigma
It is a sad truth that some are bullied or treated poorly because of a mental health or addiction problem. You may be afraid to tell friends and family about your decision to seek treatment because of what they may say or how they may think differently about you. But your example and response to their statements may make a real difference. It may give other people the feeling that you’re a safe person to which they can talk about addiction. Your growth and struggle may humanize addiction in the eyes of people you know, which can lead to more accepting attitudes over time.
How Does Shame Hinder Recovery Progress?
Shame, discouragement, and guilt are all deterrents to recovery. It can hinder recovery, cut away at self-esteem, and complicate reaching sobriety goals. It’s important to know the risks and plan ahead accordingly.
Distracted Focus
When your mind is occupied with self-loathing and shame, recovery goals receive less focus and attention. This can be how people lose sight of the ultimate goal and purpose of rehab.
It Hurts Recovery Confidence
Dwelling on self-shaming thoughts feeds low self-esteem and confidence levels. This prevents you from achieving your full potential in rehab and life in general.
Shame Discourages Honesty
Yet, feelings of shame can have adverse effects on a person’s level of openness with their therapist and other rehab professionals. It can be tempting to not share the entire truth of the past so you feel like you look better to someone who’s “evaluating” you. But this lack of transparency actually hinders the therapist’s ability to help you. It’s important to be honest so that professionals can work with all the information possible and design a treatment plan that works with your life.
Shame Can Prevent You From Receiving Help
People who feel shame for their addiction or the inability to quit are at a great risk of attempting to conceal their struggles, despite any desire they may have to receive help. This shame inadvertently prevents them from getting the help they so desperately need, usually resulting in spiraling deeper into addiction.
Receive Support for Addiction at First Steps Recovery
Shame around addiction is a natural and normal feeling. Most people entering treatment for addiction feel at least a small amount of shame around their addiction. But it’s important to identify and work through these feelings to achieve a sustainable recovery.
At First Steps Recovery, our community of addiction treatment professionals are all trained to help people recovering from addiction. We’re not here to judge. Anyone with any background can struggle with addiction, and it’s our job to help them build the lives they want without the problems of substance abuse. Learn more about our treatment options and how we can help by contacting us today.
Dr. Curl is the Medical Director and primary on-site provider for First Steps Recovery. He is a Board Certified Internist and Addiction Medicine Specialist having attended the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA and completing his residency at Mount Auburn Hospital with Harvard Medical School. Following several years work as an internist and physiatrist (physical medicine and rehabilitation). Dr. Curl completed the Addiction Medicine Fellowship at Howard University in Washington DC and participated as a RAM Scholar (Research in Addiction Medicine). While part of the fellowship, Dr. Curl pursued research investigating the barriers to expanding and improving medication for opioid use disorder. Following his fellowship, Dr. Curl spearheaded the Opiate Use Disorder outpatient clinic and worked in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences within the Howard University Hospital. In 2023, Dr. Curl completed his Board Certification in Addiction Medicine.
