Watching a close friend struggle with alcohol addiction can be heartbreaking. You may find yourself caught between wanting to help them and not knowing how, especially when your efforts seem to fall flat or even make things worse.
Offering support to a friend with an alcohol use disorder (AUD) takes patience, education, and a delicate balance between empathy and boundaries. Whether your friend is in denial, early recovery, or facing relapse, there are ways you can be a source of encouragement without enabling harmful behaviors.
Signs of Alcohol Addiction
Before you can help, it’s important to understand what alcohol addiction looks like. Alcohol use disorder ranges in severity and can affect each individual differently, but several common signs can help you determine whether your friend may be struggling:
- Increased tolerance:They need more alcohol to feel its effects.
- Loss of control:They drink more than they intended or can’t stop once they start.
- Neglecting responsibilities:Work, school, or family commitments become less important in their priorities.
- Drinking in risky situations:This may include drinking before driving or during work hours.
- Withdrawal symptoms:They experience anxiety, tremors, or sweating when not drinking.
- Lying or hiding their drinking:They become secretive or defensive.
- Social isolation:They withdraw from friends and loved ones, especially those who don’t drink.
Alcohol addiction is often accompanied by denial. Your friend may downplay their drinking or even get angry when confronted. But these signs can indicate a deeper problem that requires compassionate support.
How to Support Someone in Recovery From Addiction
Supporting a friend through the recovery process isn’t about fixing them, but walking beside them. The path is often messy, with relapses, emotional highs and lows, and moments of deep vulnerability taking place at different times. Here’s how you can provide helpful support:
Be Honest but Kind
Honesty builds trust, especially when it comes from a place of love. If you’re concerned about your friend’s drinking, tell them. Use “I” statements to express how their behavior affects you without casting blame.
For example, say, “I’ve noticed you’ve been drinking more lately, and I’m worried about you,” rather than, “You’re always drunk and messing everything up.”
Having these conversations may feel uncomfortable, but silence can often be more damaging. By speaking up with compassion, you may open a door that leads to a turning point in their recovery.
Don’t Be Judgmental
Avoid shaming or criticizing your friend for their addiction. Remember that addiction is a disease, not a moral failing. Being judgmental can cause your friend to retreat or feel worse about themselves, reinforcing the cycle of drinking.
Instead, try to listen without interruption and validate their feelings. Sometimes, just knowing someone is there without judgment can be enough to spark change.
Empathy is especially powerful when paired with consistency. Showing up for your friend, checking in, remembering milestones, or simply sitting with them in silence can go a long way in helping them feel seen and valued.
Set Personal Boundaries
- Refusing to be around them when they are drinking
- Not giving them money or rides to the liquor store
- Declining to help them compensate for the consequences of their drinking
Practice Self-Care
It’s easy to lose yourself when someone you love is struggling. You may feel consumed by their addiction, constantly on edge or overwhelmed. That’s why self-care is essential.
Find time to:
- See your own individual therapistor attend support groups like Al-Anon
- Stay active, eat well, and work to get enough sleep
- Talk to friends or family members you trust
Self-care also involves emotional boundaries. It’s okay to say no, to take breaks from the relationship, or to express your own feelings. You’re not responsible for someone else’s healing, and tending to your own heart is part of being a strong support system.
Support Their Efforts in Recovery
If your friend is actively trying to heal from their addiction, cheer them on. Celebrate milestones, no matter how small. Offer to attend support group meetings with them or provide transportation to therapy sessions.
However, be mindful that their recovery is their responsibility. Your role is to encourage them, not to control or manage it for them.
Small gestures can have a big impact. A thoughtful note, a homemade dinner, or a simple text saying “I’m proud of you” can help your friend stay motivated and feel less alone in the process.
Don’t Try to "Save" Them
This is one of the hardest truths to accept: you can’t fix your friend’s addiction. Only they can choose recovery. Trying to rescue them from every consequence or make their decisions for them often backfires and delays real change.
It may feel like love to protect them, but it can also keep them stuck. Recovery often begins when a person reaches their own bottom and that can only happen when consequences are allowed to unfold.
Honor Actions Above Words
Addiction often comes with broken promises. You might hear, “I’ll stop drinking tomorrow” or “I’m fine, I don’t need help” many times.
Rather than focusing on what your friend says, pay attention to what they do. If they say they’re committed to recovery but continue drinking, your support should be based on actions, not intentions. That may mean scaling back your involvement until they are truly ready to change.
When your friend does follow through on steps toward recovery, be sure to acknowledge it. Positive reinforcement can be a powerful motivator in the healing process.
How to Not Enable Someone’s Addiction
Enabling is when your actions unintentionally support a person’s addictive behavior or shield them from consequences. While you may think you’re helping,you’re actually enabling the addiction to continue unchecked.
Examples of enabling include:
- Making excuses for their behavior (“They’ve had a rough week”)
- Paying their bills or rent when they’ve spent their money on alcohol
- Covering for them at work or social events
- Ignoring problematic behavior to “keep the peace”
To avoid enabling, work on these reactions instead:
- Let them face the full consequences of their actions
- Refuse to financially support their drinking
- Avoid situations where alcohol is the focus, especially if they’re likely to drink
It’s also helpful to educate yourself on the difference between enabling and empowering someone with addiction. Empowerment involves supporting healthy choices, encouraging addiction treatment, and modeling healthy behavior. By focusing on empowerment, you provide tools for change without contributing to the cycle of addiction.
When it’s Time for Someone to Go to Rehab
Sometimes, a friend’s drinking progresses to the point where professional help becomes necessary. You might notice that:
- Their health is deteriorating
- They’re experiencing legal or financial problems
- They’ve tried to quit multiple times without success
- Their relationships are crumbling
Bringing up the idea of a stay in alcohol rehab in Fresnco is delicate. Choose a time when they are sober to talk about it, and express concern (not blame). Say something like, “I know you’ve been trying to stop on your own, but it seems really hard. Maybe a professional program could give you the tools you need.”
If they’re open to help, offer to research options with them. If they’re not, continue to hold your boundaries and avoid enabling addictive behavior. Sometimes, the suggestion plants a seed that grows later.
You can also consider staging a professional intervention, particularly if your friend is resistant to treatment and the addiction is putting their life or others at risk. An intervention specialist can guide the conversation in a structured and supportive way.
Recover From Addiction at First Steps Recovery
Helping an alcoholic friend can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to navigate it alone. Start with education, compassion, and clear boundaries. When the time comes, encourage professional support from a trusted provider.
Whether your friend is ready now or just starting to consider treatment, we’re here to guide the way. First Steps Recovery combines medical expertise with holistic wellness. Our dedicated staff walks beside each client as they rediscover purpose, rebuild relationships, and develop the skills needed for lasting sobriety. Our treatment programs are personalized to meet each client where they are, offering a full continuum of care from detox to long-term support.
Reach out today to learn more about how we can help your friend (and you) start a new chapter. Contact us today to speak with a compassionate admissions specialist.
Reference
National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. (n.d.). What Is Alcohol Use Disorder?https://www.niaaa.nih.gov
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA).https://www.samhsa.gov
Dr. Curl is the Medical Director and primary on-site provider for First Steps Recovery. He is a Board Certified Internist and Addiction Medicine Specialist having attended the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA and completing his residency at Mount Auburn Hospital with Harvard Medical School. Following several years work as an internist and physiatrist (physical medicine and rehabilitation). Dr. Curl completed the Addiction Medicine Fellowship at Howard University in Washington DC and participated as a RAM Scholar (Research in Addiction Medicine). While part of the fellowship, Dr. Curl pursued research investigating the barriers to expanding and improving medication for opioid use disorder. Following his fellowship, Dr. Curl spearheaded the Opiate Use Disorder outpatient clinic and worked in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences within the Howard University Hospital. In 2023, Dr. Curl completed his Board Certification in Addiction Medicine.
