In Twelve Step programs focused on recovering from addiction, acceptance is the first step to recovery. It involves honestly recognizing the existence of a substance use problem. In recovery, acceptance means understanding and acknowledging the reality of one’s situation, including the impact of substance use on health and life.
This acceptance is not the same as approval or resignation; it is about facing facts without denial or excuses. Recovery cannot begin until a person moves past denial. Research supports the idea that change starts when individuals recognize and accept their substance use as a problem that requires help.
At First Steps Recovery, we understand that acceptance is the essential starting point for all healing from addiction. Active acceptance allows people to see their challenges clearly, which can form the foundation for all other treatment and recovery efforts.
What Does Acceptance Mean in Addiction Recovery?
In recovery settings, self-acceptance is different from what people may think it means. It’s not about giving up on changing or agreeing that things will always be a certain way. Instead, acceptance means looking at the situation without making excuses or blaming others.
When someone reaches acceptance, they stop fighting against the reality of their addiction. They recognize that their substance use has caused problems in their life. This doesn’t mean they’re happy about having an addiction. It just means they’re willing to see it for what it is.
Acceptance in the context of addiction recovery features three key aspects:
- Honest recognition: You acknowledge that substance use has become a problem in your life.
- No more excuses: You stop making reasons for why your substance use “isn’t that bad.”
- Reality-based thinking: You see your situation as it actually is, not as you wish it were.
How Acceptance Helps in Overcoming Denial
Denial is when your mind protects you from uncomfortable truths by ignoring them or making them seem less serious.
When it comes to addiction, denial might sound like “I can stop anytime I want” or “My drinking isn’t affecting anyone else.” Denial is often the main reason people delay getting help for their addiction. The brain uses denial to avoid the scary feelings that come with admitting there is a problem.
Acceptance breaks through denial by helping to create space in the mind to see things clearly. When you accept that you have a problem with addiction, you can start looking for solutions. Without acceptance, it’s possible to fall into trying to prove that everything is fine when it’s not.
How Emotions Can Block Acceptance
Several different emotions can make it hard to reach a state of acceptance. These feelings are normal, but they can keep a person stuck in denial longer, leading to disconnection from potential sources of help.
Shame Makes You Want to Hide
To feel shame is to feel that you’re a bad person because of your addiction. It’s different from guilt, which is feeling bad about something you did. Shame makes you feel bad about who you inherently are, in your very nature.
When a person feels shame, they want to hide their problems instead of facing them. This can make reaching acceptance much harder, because they’re spending energy trying to keep the addiction secret (or contained) rather than just dealing with it.
Fear of What Comes Next
Many people fear what will happen if they admit they have a problem. They might worry about losing relationships, experiencing painful withdrawal symptoms, or uprooting their entire life to enter treatment (or just accommodate this new truth about them). These fears are understandable, but they can prevent someone from taking the necessary first steps toward improving their situation.
Guilt About Past Actions
Guilt about things you’ve done while using substances can also block acceptance. You might think, “If I admit I have a problem, I’ll have to face all the terrible things I’ve done.”
While it’s true that recovery involves looking at past actions and possibly making amends, acceptance doesn’t mean solving everything at once. It just means you’re willing to start the process.
How to Help Foster Acceptance
Moving toward acceptance doesn’t happen overnight. But there are practical steps that can help you get there and maintain progress.
Talk to Someone You Trust
Isolation can make acceptance harder, because you’re alone with your thoughts and doubts. Talking to someone who cares about you about addiction can help you see your situation more clearly.
This person might be a family member, friend, mental health professional, or someone else in recovery. The important thing is that they should be able to listen without judgement and support your being honest about the situation.
Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness means paying attention to what’s happening right now, without trying to change it immediately. This can help with practicing acceptance because it teaches how to observe thoughts and feelings without fighting them.
Simple mindfulness practices include:
- Taking five deep breaths, noticing how each one feels.
- Spending a few minutes noticing sounds around you.
- Paying attention to physical sensations in your body.
Set Small, Realistic Goals
Acceptance is a process that happens over time. Instead of expecting to accept everything at once, you can work on small steps. This may include:
- Admitting to yourself that your substance use might be a problem.
- Sharing this thought with one trusted person.
- Researching treatment options or attending one support group meeting.
- Thinking seriously about what kind of help might work for you.
Maintaining Acceptance Over Time
Acceptance isn’t something you achieve once and then forget about. It’s something you can practice throughout your recovery.
Stay Connected to Others
Recovery works better when you’re not doing it alone. Support groups, therapy, and staying in touch with people from treatment can all help reinforce acceptance.
When you hear other people share their experiences, it can remind you that you’re not the only one who has gone through these struggles. This can make it easier to accept your own situation without shame.
Continue Learning About Yourself
Therapy provides a safe place to explore your thoughts and feelings. Even after finishing an addiction treatment program, ongoing therapy can help with maintaining acceptance even when new challenges come up.
Take Care of Yourself
Acceptance is easier to maintain when you’re taking care of your physical and mental health. This includes eating well, exercising, getting enough sleep, and finding healthy ways to manage stress. When your body and mind feel better, it’s easier to face challenges with acceptance rather than denial.
Find a Path Forward with First Steps Recovery
Acceptance is the first step to recovery because it opens the door to everything else. Without acceptance, you can’t fully participate in treatment or make the changes necessary for lasting recovery.
At First Steps Recovery, we specialize in helping people reach and maintain acceptance. Our team understands that this first step can be the hardest one, and we provide the support and guidance you need to take it.
For questions about acceptance or to discuss your recovery situation, contact First Steps Recovery for individualized guidance. Our team can provide information about treatment options and answer questions about starting the journey to recovery. Contact us today to learn more.
FAQs About Acceptance in Recovery
How can loved ones help someone who hasn't reached acceptance yet?
Families can listen without judgment, avoid enabling behaviors, and encourage their loved one to seek help when they’re ready. Participating in family therapy can teach specific communication skills that support acceptance rather than resistance.
What happens if someone enters treatment before they've fully accepted their addiction?
People can still benefit from treatment even if their acceptance is incomplete. Many treatment programs use motivational interviewing and other techniques to help individuals practice acceptance and develop personal motivation for change.
How long does it take for someone to reach acceptance?
The timeline for reaching a state of acceptance varies greatly from person to person. Some people accept their condition quickly after a major consequence, such as losing a job. Others may take months or years to move through denial and other emotional barriers.
Can someone lose their acceptance and return to denial after starting recovery?
Yes. Acceptance can fluctuate, especially in early recovery. Stress, setbacks, or difficult emotions can sometimes cause people to temporarily return to a state of denial. This is why ongoing support and therapy are important for maintaining acceptance.
References:
Dr. Curl is the Medical Director and primary on-site provider for First Steps Recovery. He is a Board Certified Internist and Addiction Medicine Specialist having attended the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA and completing his residency at Mount Auburn Hospital with Harvard Medical School. Following several years work as an internist and physiatrist (physical medicine and rehabilitation). Dr. Curl completed the Addiction Medicine Fellowship at Howard University in Washington DC and participated as a RAM Scholar (Research in Addiction Medicine). While part of the fellowship, Dr. Curl pursued research investigating the barriers to expanding and improving medication for opioid use disorder. Following his fellowship, Dr. Curl spearheaded the Opiate Use Disorder outpatient clinic and worked in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences within the Howard University Hospital. In 2023, Dr. Curl completed his Board Certification in Addiction Medicine.
